How Nature Unveiled My Misplaced Affections
“For a time, I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”
Wendell Berry
The horse wagon creaked along the snowy path back to the stable.
Despite sweating in my nylon snowsuit, all was incredibly well. There were a handful of us from outdoor education class seated in the carriage, and my easy-going friend was among them.
The moonlight reflected off of his braces as he smiled at me. Feeling warm and fuzzy, I decided that my good feelings meant one thing.
I was in love.
The logical thing to do was to ask him to be my boyfriend. I waited until we were back at school before I posed the question.
The poor soul didn’t see it coming and murmured he’d get back to me. Maybe it was the freedom every 12-year-old wants- not to be tied down in a relationship, or maybe he forgot.
I sulked for a few days (felt like a lifetime for a 12-year-old), and then life returned to normal.
The older and (wiser) I got, I realized that the warm and fuzzy feelings I’d experienced that star-studded night came from my true inner self, not from my friend.
Nature unveils these feelings within me.
Every aspect of nature represents something meaningful to me. Mountains give me the feeling of cherished insignificance, the ocean reminds me I’m a wave in an infinite sea of waves, and gently swaying trees soothe me like a mother rocking her child to sleep.
Nature has answers to my never-ending questions, though I rarely feel like asking when I’m immersed. I’m too busy being. Still, answers float to the front of my mind, giving me insight into difficulties.
This ripe experience with my friend was a beautiful teaching moment. Nature showed me that contentment is part of me rather than the result of someone else’s affection or lack of affection for me.
When recalling this memory, I had two choices.
Replay the sting of rejection or look at what the moment was trying to teach me about myself.
In doing the former, I would’ve wasted a huge opportunity for personal growth and repeated similar situations until I ‘got’ the lesson.
My 12-year-old self was relieved the relationship didn’t work out.
April 2024 Video Update, Meditation Retreat.
TAKEAWAY: Situations occur to teach us what we need to learn. Some lessons are extremely painful and some are more like mosquitos- annoying and unrelenting. We can think of the Universe as friendly and consider that our lessons can help us become more humble, clear and selfless. No matter what happens to us, if we frame our less-than-best circumstances through the lens of curiosity, we’ll be surprised to realize that they were there to liberate us from our small thinking.
In appreciation for your being here,
Shana Lee
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